The boy

This footage is well old and one of my friends just sent it to me on Messenger. This is the boy, my son who many people believe will grow up to be identical to me. I can't see it some how haha !!

Is there such thing as fate

Do you believe in fate or coincidence, are we really on a set path that's already in place with everything planned out. I have no idea what I believe but as I come to the end of the first month of 2007 I know about the things I have in my life. Since the beginning of 2006 (that's not a typing error I am referring to last year) I have changed a lot and learnt a lot from experiences. Those that I have shared with others and also ones that I have had to face on my own. When I was with my children's mum a lot of my friends used to say that I had changed and that I weren't the person that they knew before. Finally I think I am that person again, and although I have had some wicked experiences recently things are changing all the time and sometimes so fast that I must admit I sometimes lose track of even my name haha.Anyway this is my girl and she has been through some tough times as well recently. I have only known her a short time but I have spoken to her non stop and already from what I started writing about above I feel like maybe people are pulled together for a reason. Whether it's fate or whatever I am happy that I have her in my life as she makes me happy. We both don't do labels anymore so we are just going to go with it as in all honesty even getting married these days is just material. That's right Abu with your fifteen wives, no one thinks you are anything special. Since breaking with my childrens mum I have been nervous about getting involved with anyone but with her that doesn't matter as we both rock out with our socks out and that's what it's all about x

Say it right

Since I have become a Clare my whole outlook on life has changed, it's simply amazing haha. This whole Clare thing is so lost in translation it's cracking me up. Anyway though please pull up a chair and take a seat. First I will start by stating that Nelly Furtado is the way at the moment. Her latest album has smacked it in my opinion and I will definitely be borrowing a copy from somewhere. Check out the song above, as with Clare's this song has a deeper meaning and I think it rocks out haha.

Work was good today although seemed really quiet, what amazes me is that I have one day off and so much seems to have changed. Why does that happen, who were all the new starters?!?! I just let them get on with it, being one of the senior members on my floor I should have taken more notice. Hmmm lets roll that back a little and being one of the SENIOR haha you know it. I will be running the company before long. Watch out my peers, your days at the company are going to become limited haha. Just watching the football at the moment and my friends at work said if they were to concede they would consider leaving. Still 0-0 fellas so all the best in getting your moneys worth x

I don't believe in labels

Today was tough, when someone dies you expect them to have lived through their 'innings' having gone through all the experiences of life. Life is tough and it throws many obstacles in your way but when you lose someone close to you it's very difficult. Especially when that someone is a close friend, a sister, a daughter. I went to my friends funeral today and it felt sad knowing that I was once in a relationship with this girl. Knowing that she once told me that she loved me made me feel kind of hollow. Listening to the words of her sisters paying tribute to her and then the words of her father made me break. When I went to my Grandads funeral before it was tough standing on my own and this happened to be another time I was left to my own emotions.

My children's mum said that she would wait for me outside but she didn't and I had to stand in an aisle to myself. I think I am quite a strong character but in a funeral all sorts of perspective is thrown into context. For example in this case that of losing a sibling and also that of a child. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children and for me that was tough. I just needed someone beside me to hold my hand and squeeze it. Even my worst enemy would have done but if there is a God and a heaven I think I drew the strength from my friend. Okay so I am a very emotional person but whatever as I am writing how I feel not looking for sympathy.

Everything I felt went well, the tributes were a mixture of the pain felt and the laughs that she brought in her life. The wake was good and it really felt like a celebration of her life and when I eventually go I don't want one person to cry as it's not about that. When me and my friend eventually left we went to her father to say our condolences. I tried writing in the book beforehand but after a few drinks writing becomes impossible as does making sense so no idea what I managed to put together. Anyway, I felt that no matter what words I said to the father would matter so I just held him tight and kissed him to let him know how I felt.

Life can be long but also taken so suddenly, it's tough to know what is right and wrong and what direction to take but as long as you live how you want then that's all that matters. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise and don't let those that judge get you down. I know I am not so mines a double vodka red bull and a shot of sambuca...

Tribute site...

From this day forth, my name is Clare

If you can figure this out then you definitely deserve a cookie, I think at the moment anyway it's a minority. Finally got my haircut yesterday although it's slightly shorter than usual, upside though is that I actually feel like I am walking faster and cutting through the air at better angles haha. Seems that a few people have taken an over exaggerated opinion about me and MyFriend. We're just chilling... we're friends and that's how we are rolling at the moment.

This is why I am now a Clare as I feel that Joe's have a lot to answer for and I feel for him. He is just a guy on a hook but he wants more now and with a girl tilt I want to show how people can get over their ex's. Are you following, excellent so now that you are all up to speed on that minor technicality I have realised that my fate now lies with the emu's, I like the eclipse as it makes me smile and also that camouflage and war paint wouldn't have come about if it wasn't for Panda's. Keep it real as don't go anywhere as although I am trying to read between the lines this is a whole new drawing. I like art though so the full picture is the WAY.........

Losing my memory I can deal with, it's when someone takes my marbles that I get confused

Friday was a strange one, can't really remember all the details of the night but everyone seemed to be on it. Was winding people up that they had dropped something on the floor which was comical seeing them search. Come on though, the fifth time on the same person is blatantly pushing it haha.

The good thing about the night was that my sister was out with us. An honourary member of the team haha. She mixed it up though and the girls loved her and where my sister's friends went 'missing' she is looking to come out with us more. My sister was telling me today we were doing some random dancing, I am sorry my dear but this part of the night I forget haha.

Was a well funny night though and there are so many people we know out and about now it's like thery pose ready for a photo when they see us coming haha. Got home reasonably quick and then got a call from MyFriend who I spoke to into the early hours. Not that, that pleased my brother too much, on the phone underneath him he said it was like I was in his bed the noise I was ,making. How little does he know...

I am the leader

Well felt like that at work today as my name seemed very popular, not sounding like I am gloating or anything but well on it at the moment at work. Stand in line people as I know all the answers haha, yeah right but things have changed for me at work a lot over the last six months. Am I responsible, finally mature, dunno but with bonus coming up lets hope the real leaders of the company think so.

Me and my friend went pub for lunch earlier and were randomly taking pictures of the world. Then it switched and we noticed how much affros seem to be popular these days. My haircut included haha. Some school kid was sporting a fairly sized affro and he took a picture, maybe to compare it with mine. No contest, mine is much bigger haha. The photo looks like something out of Michael Jacksons 'Beat It' though so we switched into Bo Selecta and walked about wearing one glove on each hand yelling 'Charmone' at each other haha. Tonight going to the usual places to have a usual night doing usual things. I love being usual !!

Ahhh shoot yourself in the foot son

Have you ever had the feeling that whatever you say regardless of the point you are just digging away and not making matters any better for yourself. Introducing Joe, yeah he's a lively kind of guy, a little outspoken sometimes, don't think he's nailed the whole walking yet. Some say that he never will or that what he is trying to do is invent a new way of moving around. Wouldn't say he was the brightest child in school but with flouresent pink socks you have to say that he was always on the verge of something but can't put my finger on it. Always appeared to be in the top classes but never really paid much attention, easily distracted, most definitely as he's in a league of his own when it comes to this.

So since school what has he learnt, well alcohol was a given as socialising doesn't come from climbing trees in the woods. He had to learn how to be a father but see the thing is he still doesn't get it as he would prefer to be the friend than the stern voice that stamp of the foot and the point up the stairs. Sounds good but one thing this guy hasn't mastered is how to be the One. Nearly had it but suppose the rebel, the loud mouth, the bully, the random the Not so CRAZY Joe never really took notice when they taught people this at school. When was that class anyway as Geography, English, Science, French etc are they really important haha. One class I really liked was Art, now there is something I enjoyed the downfall is that I am kind of perfectionate and the two don't mix well. So what is the end product, well you have someone who likes digging and a random post that has no real meaning to it unless you stare closely and move your head away and you will see a picture of me holding someone close and whispering into their ear.

Friday tomorrow and although this week I am actually looking forward to Saturday more. I am going to party like it's 1999 and wish that I had booked up more hair appointement sooner as I look like a Manga character so this is me saying Akira and get involved.

I am still standing

I think whoever pulls my strings from above had it in for me today, won't get right into the fine details but anyway the day started really well at first. Looked out the window and it had been snowing, I love snow I think that it's quality and was hoping it would pick up so that I could take my children out in it after work. Snow round our way had already started to become slippery though as I found when I started my journey to work. Been laughing about my adventures recently but today was offkey. Slid to the shops to pick up my ticket and then all the way to the train station. You can do that if you point your shoes in a certain direction, also wearing Swears has the desired affect as they have no grip.

Okay so onto the train journey and who would have expected that an inch of snow could cause so much disruption. Not London and I was stuck on Trains to work for the best part of two hours. It was tough and I felt like I had actually grown a beard the amount of time it took for the train to move. I get to work and have a headache morning, just couldn't figure out what the issues were as they appeared totally unrelated to previous issues. All good though as love a challenge until I spill my drink over my desk and flood everything, scrambling to shield my phone, PC and laptops. It was at this point I caught a 'glimpse of the future' and my day got so much better.

That was until I was almost at my childrens home when I got ambushed by bullys'. I can't stand people who use Racial motivation and there were six of them stood in a ring clearly drunk and the large one starts by instigating if I was being racist. What's the point as I'm just a casual Joe walking to my kids and then I hear 'Did you just call me a...' I'm thinking hear we go, I am going to get jumped here but the majority weren't interested just this one guy who must have just watched the Rocky Balboa movie. He was off it and not sounded hot headed but when you are that half cut then it's not going to take a rocket scientist to realise what would have been the outcome. So I tell him to stop showing off in front of his friends and lay off the drink a little as he's not proving anything. Not turning my back in case he pulls a knife of something. He does one better, he picks up a crate from outside a store and launches it at me. I have no idea why I didn't just sidestep at this point but I blocked it with my forearm into the road and it's hit by a car. Check me out but I am no Bruce Lee and I felt it and I think the fella then lost interest and went back to his friends and they all started laughing. I'm happy I made their day as well and just moved on as I lost interest as well.

Spent a short time with my children and although I would have liked to stay with them longer, something me and their mother discussed about my direction clearly wasn't received too well. Which leads me to question why people are so judging and also sets up the opportunity for me to drop this tune that I am well feeling at the moment...

On form

Had a mad week so far but I wouldn't change anything as it's been good to me. Figured my adventures over the weekend would be the start of something and it has been and it's all good. Had a few more adventures this week, got to love the transport system as it's been kind to me. Finding myself learning new things about it all the time, and also about myself and how cryptic I can be. My friends are on it with that I don't mention names here well the way I see it is that in doing so I am protecting your identity. You are safe in the hands of my writing; Friend1, Friend2... etc...

I am on it at the moment have some feeling that you know is good but scares you all the same. Is it new, I would say yes as it's enabled me to put some things in perspective and bring closure but also motivation. I so need to get my act together purchased a shirt today and was reminded of the things that mattered. I am liking 2007 though and it's crazy how in such a short space of time things can change. Admittedly that sentence comes with it's ups and downs but I am on the accendancy and I am liking being 'smelly' x

Left my Chelsea ticket at home today so after work I had to mission home to collect it which was so much drama. Thanks to my friend who came and picked me up though as you saved me valuable minutes and after collecting the ticket and heading up West I was only a few minutes late. The match was quality as well and the whole stadium was like Shevchenkos heartbeat and how it hit home when he scored. I nearly fell off the tier jumping up so quickly and even more so when he scored a second and set up Frank Lampard for the first of his two. Final score 4-0 and looking good lets hope we can hit some decent form now. Thanks to my brother for sorting out the tickets. I annoyed him and his girl friend by pretending to go to sleep and rolling my head about like a derranged person. Got home, cooked food, spoke on the phone, left food to get cold, spoke longer, made bed, sent text, crashed out and slept.........