Well today is over and it was really difficult, not a day I have been looking forward to as being a pallbearer has always been something that has made me nervous. Plus I felt that where my dad is the only son that it would be very difficult for him as he had to show resolve and strength because my Grandad leaves behind my dad, Nan and four daughters. So he is the man now, it's difficult writing about my dad as I know my real father reads what I write here. Anyway without a car I had to rely on him picking me up around midday. For footage of me getting ready check out my Facebook profile as I am being lazy and can't be bothered to upload them to Youtube. The journey there was a mix up as we were given the wrong time, when we turned up in four cars though it was like Reservoir Dogs with us all in our suits. It was an open house but I opted against seeing my Grandad in the coffin and advised my brothers and sisters about the lasting impression it would have on them. Well we got on our way and the journey took forever. Eventually turning up to downpour with no umbrellas, I managed to make a balaclava out of an orange bag but I think I looked more like Kenny from South Park. It may not have been the right place but it kept me dry'ish.
Then it was about stepping up to the plate as had to get into position to lift the coffin. Two of my cousins had done it before and from their expressions I could see it wasn't something they looked back on with ease. I was positioned in the middle but it made me feel hollow grasping the coffin as touching the side I could feel the hollow sound of the wood. Touching the bottom I could feel the weight of my Grandad. We proceeded into the chapel and after placing the coffin down I took up a position at the back.
The service got underway and then it got to the point where I knew it would be difficult for my brothers and sisters. My dad stood up and walked to the stand clasping his speech. Myself and my mother had rehearsed it with him in the car journey earlier but it's alright saying when the pressure isn't there. This is a man that for all my life has been strong, doesn't show much emotion and leads by example. Today though he was saying goodbye to his father and the occasion got to him. His voice trembled as he read the words, I looked to where my family were sitting and they were all upset. I wanted to move but felt frozen, luckily though my Aunts got up and surrounded my dad and he was able to finish his speech. The rest of the service then went by and it was sad when the music played at the end.
Afterwards the occasion turned to family and we spoke with our relatives and then back at the wake we all sat around the food table having a laugh. Was in good spirits and my cousin got everyone on it with his magic as he was performing tricks with cards that had my sister amazed. Well today is over and it's sad as all my Grandad's have passed away now and even though this is my fifth funeral this year, they don't get any easier on the emotions!
